Manifesto Multilinko
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Friday, May 02, 2008
consumer rant

Ok back in my day, we had soap, and toothpaste, and toothbrushes.

The soap didn't come with RNA to rewrite your genetic code to make you smell like roses, the toothpaste didn't try to whiten your teeth beyond all brilliance, and the toothbrush didn't try to freshen your breath.

What is it with Americans and "freshening" things with chemicals anyway?
Does their entire country smell so much like sh-t that the only way to deal with it is to Axe-spray and Glade-blast their bodies and houses? WTF?

So now when I go to buy ordinary, unscented soap, they don't sell it any more.
When I go to buy toothpaste, I have to wade through box after box of shiny declarations of total tooth-tactular enhancements to find one that will, you know, just help a bit to clean my teeth. And toothbrushes, are the same, it took me like 10 minutes to find one that wasn't some antibiotic nanotech particle wonder.

Dear Every Product Manufacturer:

Stop taking away simple products and replacing them with enhanced ones full of a bunch of chemical technology garbage I don't want.

Yes, I know I can go to the organic store, but then I have to try to sort my way through some gluten-free toothpaste made by Nepalese orphans hand-grinding glacial pumice or some damn thing. I don't need gluten-free toothpaste, I just need regular f-ing toothpaste like they used to sell for the first 30 or so years of my life.

How can all this corporate energy manage to consistently produce products I NO LONGER WANT? I don't understand. I just want some ordinary freaking washing powder, I don't need Spring Happiness Scent, now with Estrogen and Pheromones to make you love your clothes (tm)!


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