Manifesto Multilinko
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Friday, July 21, 2006
game, set, and matchstick

I got matchsticked. Err, matchstuck?

Date: Fri, 21 Jul 2006 11:33:59 -0400 (EDT)
To: [me]
Subject: [no subject]

My name is Yvonne. I spent some time reading your blog today and thought you might be interested in this offer.

I work for a word of mouth marketing company called Matchstick and I‚m looking to give away brand new multimedia smart phones to a number of qualified individuals and I feel you could be a great candidate. Please have a look at the below criteria and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Thanks for your time, I hope to hear from you soon.

Matchstick Inc.
416-530-8000 x 211

I am looking for existing Rogers customers who meet the following

? Hosts a popular blog with 400+ hits a day
? A current Rogers cell phone subscriber (phone only supported with
Rogers network)
? Between the ages of 22-35
? Keeps his/ her blog updated on a regular basis with pictures and
? Very socially active

We think you will thoroughly enjoy this product and its features, and if
you do, we would encourage you to talk about it. If you or someone you
know fits these criteria we would love to hear from you!

P.S. Feel free to blog about this offer so fellow bloggers that qualify
can benefit from this too!

So I emailed back and said

I would be happy to consider this phone as long as

1. Any terms and conditions are provided in writing.
2. There are no limitations on what I can blog, positively or negatively, concerning this phone.
3. I will not incur any costs whatsoever over my current Rogers cell phone subscriber pay as you go plan.

Thank you.

-- Richard Akerman

We then had a back-and-forth in which I said "can we do the interview over email or instant messaging" to which the answer was: "no".

I also said if the phone had GPS that would be particularly interesting.

So I called. Got voicemail.
Called. Got voicemail.
Called. Got Yvonne.

Q: "How old are you?"
A: 38

Q: "How much do you spend per month on your phone bill?"
A: I don't, I have pay as you go, I only pay when I call.

Response: "Sorry, this is only for people on a plan, bye."

Err, so when I said I was on pay as you go in my email, err...?

Basied on my research

it is a Nokia 6682 (which doesn't have a GPS), and 44 bloggers will be selected ("I am for you, Nokia 6682 buzz blogger")

Dear Matchstick:

If you want to do this again.
1. USE A SUBJECT LINE in your email
2. Filter people by using, you know, email and IM, like all the hep cats do
3. Um, the comma " , " is not the same as the apostrophe " ' "


Richard, the Unselected One

Dear Nokia/Rogers/people who want to give me free stuff:

I want GPS toys. Gimme phone with GPS. I will blog lots about it.
I actually spent hours and hours and hours trying to find out if there was such a thing as a cellphone that exposed its internal GPS over an external Bluetooth interface (answer, as far as I could tell: no).

Nokia does make a snazzy external Bluetooth GPS, the LD-1W. Buzzmarket freebie me one of those.

What do you get out of the deal?
Did I mention I am the top hit for geocode photos? That's me baby, #1.
Clicks beat cliques! Ha ha!


Richard Akerman

You want my answers? How about non-telephonically?

? Hosts a popular blog with 400+ hits a day

A: I have three blogs. Define hits. Web page hits, like in the olden days? RSS feed readers? What. If it's 400+ RSS feed readers over all three blogs, yes.

? A current Rogers cell phone subscriber (phone only supported with
Rogers network)

A: Yes indeedy.

? Between the ages of 22-35

A: No I am too old to generate buzz, what with me and my friends only having disposible incomes of tens of thousands of dollars.

? Keeps his/ her blog updated on a regular basis with pictures and

A: Pictures and video in my blog? Err, in Flickr and other photo sites, sure. My digital video (DV) camera was made in 1997, does that make me leading edge or out-of-date?

? Very socially active

A: Define "very", "socially", and "active".

(Unasked question: Are you like, a totally hot cliqueleader settin' the trends?)

A: If it requires me to dress like this, then, no.

I do feel a bit sorry for Matchstick tho.
They're trying to make it in the buzzleagues and they're offering a salary of $33,000 for their Media Sales Coordinator?
Wow, the Stickers really are targetting the "guy living in parental basement" market.

Oh wait, I forgot, this is our exciting modern age, where "media sales coordinator" means "guy who tries to sell you stuff over the phone". What did we used to call those people, in the before time? Oh yeah. Salespeople.

That must be a fun job.

"Hi, are you cooler than me? Want a cool free phone so you can show it off to all your cool friends at your cool parties while I sit at home on my couch in my underpants watching reality TV, hoping desperately someone will call me on my clunky ancient used cameraless cellphone?"